I had one of the hardest weeks mothering this past week. For four days… it was rough! It was so hard being a mom! Just saying those words does not even compare to the reality of it all.
Have you ever had that feeling where it feels like you’re screaming on the inside and have absolutely no control over what is happening in that moment? If you understand that feeling, well, I had that about 10-20 times this past week.
I function better when I’m in a structured atmosphere. My children and I need structure in our home in order to stay sane. However, Monday through Friday last week, everything seemed to be out of the norm. Here is what our week consisted of:
VBS
My three older children attended VBS this past week. The church was about 30 minutes away. So from the time I left the house till we returned home was a four hour plus time frame. The reason I sacrificed this time was because we love this church. They have an outstanding children’s ministry and amazing leadership. This was my children’s first VBS experience, so they were extremely excited about this! They could not wait until the next night.
Another positive note- each night I brought my computer and was able to get some blogging time in while waiting for VBS to be over. (If you’re a blogger, you understand how valuable that free time is!)
The challenge for me, was to have the family fed and the children out the door by 5:30pm. There was a lot of craziness just trying to leave the house! And by the next morning I was exhausted. This happened four night in a row.
BLOG
The post I put up last week got way more attention than expected. Which to note, I’m not complaining! This was just out of the norm. Extra time and energy was put towards this blog.
BUSINESS
I’m still trying to get into a routine with the time and energy I put into my husband’s business. I handle the finances and some of the secretarial work for him. So if I skip a week on updating everything, things get backed up. This past week was one of those weeks.
TODDLER
Now, as most of you know, I’m against speaking the terrible 2’s toward children. However, it really is the training 2’s. IT.HAS.BEEN.ROUGH. I have been constantly teaching my little girl what she can and cannot do. She is the first one of my children that literally has fits on the floor. She will throw herself down and kick and scream. Ok. Yes. She is in this training stage! She has been testing me. Taking my emotions past my limits.
When Thursday afternoon came around, I felt like giving up. With all that I listed happening out of the norm, my children were in the midst of fighting and tattling on each other. I realized I had to make supper. And my two year old threw something at her sister.
I had to walk away. I took my two year old daughter upstairs to discipline her, and that’s when it happened. I laid down on that bed and cried. I cried for I don’t know how long. I just kept telling Jesus, “I can’t do it! I can’t do it!” over and over again.
While I was crying, my two year old laid there sucking her finger and watched me cry. She didn’t jump on me. She didn’t poke me. She didn’t even say my name or cry. She was completely peaceful. In that moment, looking into her eyes, I felt and saw the presence of God.
I looked at the clock, and I surely thought it was close to 5:30, which meant I would have to gather my children to eat real quick and run out the door to head to VBS. However, by the grace of God, it was only 4:45.
There is something about once you cry out all those emotions and feelings that have been stuffed inside of you, some kind of freedom is experienced. Most times you feel so much better than before you started crying.
There is freedom through the tears we shed.
I experienced even more freedom later that evening. I was sitting in the church parking lot with my computer and starting typing this post. Halfway through, my husband called me. And all he wanted to do was pray for me. (I love my husband!) Through his prayers and me typing out my thoughts and feelings here on this post, I felt so much better that night.
So there you have it! I’m not perfect. My kids are not perfect. It was a rough week. Here is to a fresh new week, in Jesus Name!
I’m so glad I came across your blog today! My kids go crazy every year about VBS too. We also have a church that isn’t exactly down the street from our house either. We travel 1 hour and 15 min, but its worth every minute!
I can relate to you on how you felt that week and how sometimes everyday life can be so overwhelming and a blessing at the same time ( even though it may not feel like it in that moment). I just recently felt the same way when school was out for the summer and I tried starting my own blog at the same time. I was so overwhelmed with keeping all the kids entertained plus trying to find the extra time on top of everything else to actually write a blog. One day i just sat there and cried and prayed, but i felt such a relief afterwards and God was just waiting for me to let go and let him take over. I actually wrote about that day as one of my first blog posts!
Wow, very encouraging, Krystle! Thanks for visiting here and sharing your heart. I liked what you said, “every day can be overwhelming but a blessing at the same time!” And I need to remind myself, that I’m not alone in some of the toughest struggles of motherhood. Thanks for your encouragement.
So beautiful, thanks for your honesty. Our 2nd child is certainly full on compared to her older sister and already throwing herself on the floor at 15mo. I’m also against the terrible twos, I love what you call them and will refer to them as such. 🙂 My husband’s great about praying too!
Thanks Lizzy, it always great to know I’m not alone. 🙂
YES, I have those days and weeks too. I think I was going through something similar right around the same time. I cried too, right there in the moment. I get that feeling that “I can’t handle this” when things go wrong–especially when my preschooler does something to hurt my toddler (like take a toy away, push her, etc.) and I just want to lose it. I just completely get what you’re feeling. So glad God provided relief and encouragement for you. How sweet that your husband prayed for you over the phone! I’m praying for you, too. ❤
You’re always such an encouragement to me, Laura! It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone going through times like that. I just praise God for a newness and refreshing spirit from Him. Praying that you receive that as well!
I can completely understanding having difficult weeks. God Bless you for sharing your heart.
Thanks, Charlene! I had another one last week, which leads to the blog post I’m putting up tomorrow morning. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
I was away for the week last week and I must have missed this post! But I can so relate. Especially with crying it out, and feeling better afterwards. I’m a super emotional person so crying comes easy for me and sometimes I seriously feel like a baby, lol. But most times I just feel so much better and like a weight has been lifted off. So sorry you had to go thru that, praying this week is a better week for you! And know you are not alone in this mothering journey!
After crying and then feeling better, I told myself that I really should be crying more often! I think it’s easy for me to act tough and tell myself to move on and that I can handle this. But handling it like that in every circumstance can be unhealthy. Thanks, Tonya for sharing your heart and for your encouragement! Much love!
Been there, sister! I’m on the back side of parenting (and homeschooling) and it has not been without many tears! But then you turn around and they are grown. Thanks for your post!
I hear it so often that this time flies by. I just now need to believe it from those that have already gone through it. Thanks for stopping by, Karen!
Aw. I’m right there with you on the two-year-old training. The struggle is real! And I have found the same thing…God’s grace is at the bottom of ourselves! Lots of hugs from one mom to another! <3
Thanks so much, Jessica! (I receive that hug 😉 )Yes, you’re right, there is so much grace! I wish we could see all the grace God pours down on us in every circumstance. I think we would view each circumstance different than how we view them now.
Oh hang in there, sweet mama! Those cleansing tears were just what the Great Physician ordered. He knows right where you are and how.stinkin.hard.it.is. You have the most difficult and most rewarding job on the planet–shaping those littles to be like Jesus! Treasure the moments–even the difficult ones– they always pass, and the great moments far outweigh the hard ones!
You’re so right, Vickie! It is the most difficult but most rewarding job (which is why we keep having more!). And like you said, this all shall pass. It’s just hard to actually believe that in the hardest moments of mothering. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂