That constant struggle as the parent… how you be the best parent you can be.

“Am I being too strict or not strict enough with my kids?” There can be two very extremes in parenting. The one is far away from the other. And I’m sure you have friends who parent the COMPLETE opposite of you. So let’s talk about different parenting styles and use the example of a box.

We will call it the PARENTING BOX.

Imagine all the rules, expectations, and standards you hold for your child defines the size of your box. How big or small your parenting box is, can be determined by how strict or not strict enough you are with your children and what you all allow your child to do within that box.

If you are constantly pulling the reigns tight on your child, your box is VERY small. If you are just loosely pulling the reigns on your child, then your box is TOO big.

So, the question remains, how can you be the best parent you can be?

The Very Tiny Parenting Box

Are you the mother that hovers over her child every step he takes while in public? Your child never has the opportunity to even get out of line because you are there to stop it even before it happens? You’re constantly telling your kid, “No, don’t do that,” “Don’t touch that,” “Don’t be too loud.” Your child is basically being a robot by the commands coming from your mouth. These demands limit the child from freely playing and demonstrating who he was designed to become.

In this scenario, I would say you have a very small parenting box that you keep your child in. Anytime he gets near the edge of that small box, you are there to place demands and stop him immediately from crossing that line.

For those that fall into this category, you would be labeled as too strict with your children.

The No Parenting Box At All

Or, maybe you are the complete opposite.

There is the parenting style where there is no box at all involved for your child. You haven’t set many, or possibly no, boundaries in your child’s life. Maybe you do have rules and expectations, but they are not being enforced on a daily basis. So then, your child knows he will be able to cross that line again with the chance of no repercussions.

No boundaries, no structure, no discipline… this all leads to CHAOS.

This parenting style would be considered too lenient.

The Ultimate… What Children Need

This post is geared for parenting younger children. Because there does reach a point in a child’s life where the box needs to get bigger and bigger and eventually removed as they reach adulthood.

Children need a well developed parenting box with just the right boundaries. They need to know they are safe because of the boundaries you have set in their lives. So as the parent, the challenge is figuring out just the right sized box to keep each child in.

You as the parent, need to be creative and develop a nice sized box for your children to live out their personalities but also have boundaries in their lives.

This box is used to set definite lines for structure and order in the child’s life (and in the parents!). You need those lines of the box reinforced to your child so that he knows what is acceptable and unacceptable.

“Holding true to those lines comes down to the reality of what happens once the child crosses it.”

What happens when your child does cross over a line you have set? Are there consequences for the child once he crosses it? Does the child know you’re consistent enough with the discipline so that next time he is tempted, he will realize it’s not even worth trying to cross again?

Once you establish a well developed box for each of your children, and each one knows their boundaries, you can truly enjoy living life together as a family. There is not chaos. Instead, there is structure and order with lots of room for the child to live out who they are called to be. All the children get the benefits of structured behavior from their siblings. Instead of you, the parent, chasing after and constantly trying to maintain each child, there is peace in the home and parents are able to focus more quality time as a family.

At times we will need to adjust what size is best for your child, and that’s fine. Don’t think you will never adjust rules and boundaries for your children. None of this is set in stone.. Adjust to your family’s needs. If you realized you are a bit too strict, expand that box a little. If you’re not strict enough, let’s make that box a bit smaller to maintain your parental control over your children.

Wrap-up

1. Make sure you use that box to build relationship with your kids. You constantly hear the saying as a parent, “You can’t be your kid’s best friend.” I actually disagree with that statement! I believe you CAN be your child’s best friend. Just keep it within that structured box of discipline and order. Then on top of it, make sure you’re pouring unending love into that child!
2. Start early with that box. The older your child gets, the harder it would be to keep them within that box. Over the years, they won’t know any different and it would be hard to change their perspective.
3. Don’t give up. If you’re stressed with keeping your child in that box, be consistent with discipline, and I guarantee you, you will eventually see fruit. Just as plants first need to be planted from a seed, watered, and have consistent care, so does a child with child rearing and nourishment. As you nurture with love and discipline, fruit WILL develop over time (maybe sometimes just not as fast as you’d always like it to!).

Have you established a “parenting box” within your family for each child? I’d love to hear your thoughts and perspective on this analogy of a “parenting box”!

Need some more guidance with your parenting style? Hop on over to Humble, Faith, Family & Wellness, Melissa has a great article on the importance of consistency! –} Parenting Consistency: Learn Why It’s Important

How to Keep Order and Be The Best Parent You Can Be

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