We look up to so many people in our lives, don’t we? Certain people have got it all together, right? Those certain people seem to have life figured out. They don’t mess up. They are the perfect wife, mom, and domestic woman in their home. But does their standard need to become our standard?
This so called “perfect” woman you look up to…
has her house perfectly clean 24-7.
makes healthy, full course meals EVERY day.
is super intentional and creative with her children, homeschools them, takes them on dates, etc.
has the perfect marriage.
gets up early every morning before her children do.
Yes, as Christians, we are to hold ourselves to a higher standard!
However, consider this, what if you and your family were the only people on this earth? What standard would you be comparing yourself to then? Would you feel guilty sleeping in? Would you feel guilty finally getting dressed by lunchtime?
I don’t think we would be feeling much guilt at all since we’d have no one around to compare ourselves to.
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Now, let me clarify, there is a point of being lazy and ignoring the voice of the Lord. This post is not to excuse us from pursuing greatness and reaching our fullest potential and the destiny God has for each of us. Growth and intentionality are very important in our lives.
Turning back onto the guilty part, when you overly meditate on the friend that “has it all together,” we can allow our thoughts and feelings fall into the trap of condemnation
In Sarah Mae’s book, Having a Martha Home the Mary Way, she said,
“Without even knowing it, I had judged myself guilty by someone else’s standard. I had condemned myself by that standard and was feeling like a complete failure. To my family and loved ones, I was doing just fine, yet I was blinded to that fact by my own self-induced guilt.”
Romans 8:1, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Can we believe this TRUTH?
I struggle many times comparing myself to other women (friends and bloggers)- women that I think have it all together in their homes and with their marriage.
I’ve said it before, I believe we would all be shocked if we could actually see what happens behind those closed doors, even to the people we look up to.
Yes, there are many women we can look up to. Women who can raise the bar for our lives. However, just be cautious, not falling into that trap of condemnation.
Take some time to seek the Lord in this area. Create realistic goals for yourself to reach. It is extremely important for you to keep on growing.
What does the Lord want you to grow in? What do you want to grow in? Stop focusing those eyes on that person who seems to have it all together. Instead, focus those eyes on who actually has it all together, your Father. Get the revelation from Him. Ask Him, who and what He wants YOU to become.
Stop feeling guilty every time you sleep in. Stop feeling guilty for those days you just did not have time to read to your children. Stop feeling guilty when you don’t make that perfect full course meal in the evening.
Once you’re able to get to this point, condemnation will steer far from you.
My advice to you-
take in those little moments with your children.
love on Jesus.
be intentional with one thing every day.
So, what does that look like for you? Not for your friend or your sister or that popular blogger… for YOU!
Be blessed
Whenever I am in nursery I hear the other women talking about this and I will say I have been blessed to have a natural confidance that often makes me laugh at the messy house and paint covered table. But fabulous women are broken down by comparing themselves. Not saying I have never felt sad that I never have a sink that isn’t full of dishes! But the flaws can be so beautiful (now not sin) but the little flaws of a messy house or peanut butter and jelly stained faces.
Your so right, Natalie, about the fabulous women being broken down. I admire you and your family… I love how you are so carefree and don’t care what others think!
Yes! I have that person I compare to. Yep! And it’s a battle but I’m winning lately. Excellent advice! All moms need to work on this more!
Yes, we all deal with it to some extent. Praise the Lord, you’ve been winning the battle lately!
Comparing ourselves to others is so easy. So common! We need to only compare ourselves to Christ…and there is no guilt there because he loves us unconditionally. Plus, all of the standards we tend to hold ourselves to fade away with him. He cares about things so much deeper. Thank you for sharing your heart! I loved this!
You wrote it so nicely, Kristina, how all our standards can fade away with him! And He does care about things so much deeper! Thanks for sharing your input, Kristina!
Comparison is such a temptation. I’m inspired a LOT but other moms, women, and bloggers, but occasionally it turns into comparison. It’s a slippery slope to jealousy, coveting, condemning myself, and all the rest. Eek! Thanks for encouraging me to hold myself simply to what God wants for me. 💗
Yes, comparison can lead to a dangerous slippery slope! The balance is trying to find that line of looking up to others but not falling into the comparison trap. I think this is a battle most women are fighting daily.
This subject was so good to read about again. Such a good reminder. I used to compare my looks to some of other friends and I then realized God made me just the way I was supposed to be made, so with all the thoughts i’m having and comments i’m making.. it’s sounding like i’m disappointed in how God made me. Most people have at least 1 thing they would want to change about themselves, something that someone else has. But we’re not made to be perfect. And God made us each different so we’re all special in our own way, and by complaining about those features God gave us, is kinda complaining to God how he made us. (Not sure if that all makes sense, it’s so hard for me to write/type my thoughts out) And since I had Allison, i’m now realizing that i’be been comparing her with other kids. So, now that’s something I need to work on.
I completely understand what you’re saying, Tonya. And you are right! If we compare and complain about how we look, we ARE disappointed with how God made us. Very good perspective! And yes, I can relate to comparing my children to others. But that definitely fades away the more children you have. 😉