How Is Sex Portrayed In Your Mind? (as the wife)

Sex can be portrayed positively or negatively in a woman’s mind. For you, when you hear the word sex, what immediately comes to mind?

A woman’s view of sex can be determined by the closeness of her marriage relationship.

In today’s culture, the value of marriage is declining more and more. Where marriages are falling apart, there is a high percentage chance that sex is NOT the top priority in a woman’s mind.

There are even marriages that are doing extremely great. However, the wife can still struggle with a positive perspective on sex.

A Negative Perspective

For those who constantly battle with a negative view of sex (or have in the past), one or all of these thoughts probably have gone through your mind sometime throughout your marriage:

• It’s an inconvenience… I don’t have time to think about or even engage in sexual activity!
• My husband is just using my body… he doesn’t care about me, he just wants me for my body to satisfy him. When is the last time he was concerned about my needs?
• It’s something that takes so much energy… I’m so exhausted right now! I can’t remember the last time I had energy. I took care of the children, cleaned the house, did a load of wash, homeschool the kids, and on and on.
• That’s all my husband thinks about… Really, again!? SEX, SEX, SEX, is the only thing on his mind!
• Disgusting… the thought of sex, his penis, and everything else absolutely grosses me out!

None of these thoughts are healthy for the wife to think on a regular basis.

Yes, it’s ok to think of yourself at times and admit that you don’t have any energy to give towards him or you just don’t feel like it. If you hint around that you don’t want to engage in sex that night, I highly recommend that you do it in a RESPECTFUL manner.

Sex is the most intimate part of a marriage. A man can experience deep feelings of hurt and rejection if we refuse sex in a disrespectful way.

The Lord desires us to enjoy sexual activity with our spouse. However, if it’s not treated properly, this activity can turn into a disaster every single time.

Ways that sex is abused in the relationship…

• not openly discussing sexual activities with each other (ways you’d like to be touched by him and him in return)
• not openly discussing how often you’d each like to have sex
• refusing to have sex with him period.
• a spouse struggles with pornography.
• secrets or struggles in this area that a spouse has not admitted to the other (whether from the past or current situations).

With ways that sex is abused in marriages and the negative thoughts women battle with in their mind, how can we turn these thoughts around? How can us women gain a positive perspective with sex in marriage? Sex is extremely intimate. God designed it in a way for both the husband and wife to enjoy and get complete satisfaction from it.

Here are a few tips that can help realign the negative perspective:

Invest more of your time with each other doing what you both love to do.

The more connected you feel with your spouse, the greater of a chance you will desire him physically. Take time away from work and from your children to enjoy life and each other together. Be connected with him. Discuss with him your desires in the relationship. Communicate how you’d like him to pursue you and ways that he truly makes you feel loved. Let him know you’d like more alone time with him. Hint around to him you’d like a few intentional date nights or getaways with him.

Openly discuss with each other about sex — COMMUNICATE!

We CAN NOT ignore this subject in our marriage. The word sex has become a taboo subject unless it’s being manipulated or mocked at. Discuss with him your needs and desires when you’re physical with each other. Share with him ways you’d like to be touched. Respectfully share with him what you didn’t like or if something hurt while engaging sex. Women, please remember that word, respect! During and after sex, a man is at one of his most vulnerable states of life. It is your job to respectfully share your thoughts and opinions to him about the sexual activities you engage in.

Quick Sex

Lastly, I’d like to share with you a secret that could do wonders with your sex life and your communication. I’m sure there are times in the week or month where you do not desire sex, but you know full well that he strongly wants it in a specific moment. Just simply tell him, let’s have some “quick sex.” This means that you don’t need to provide extra time and energy into this act. Take five minutes or less to willfully and cheerfully give your body and satisfy his needs and desires.

*Make sure you discuss this term beforehand where you both are clear what this exactly means so your husband is not caught off guard. Plus, I don’t recommend reverting to this term every single time! A husband is most deeply satisfied when you, as the wife, are fully engaged as well.

You have a extremely powerful role in the marriage. If sex is portrayed negatively in your mind, I challenge you to pursue one or all three of these tips listed above to help adjust your perspective.

So, do you have any extra tips on how to gain and maintain a positive perspective on sex? Has the closeness of your marriage determined the perspective you now have? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Be Blessed!